Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Goodbye 2013

Richard and I like to toss about versions of our future - how we want to bring up our children, the life we want to build for our family, what we hope to provide for our family. Big stuff, important stuff. Stuff that keeps you up at night.

There are two basic options: to keep our family on the path that it is presently on, which will lead to one version of the future, or to go a different way towards a different future. The first option is the safe, reliable option.

The second option is the option that Richard and I always come back to - it is the option to take if we listen to our hearts. Sounds good? Well, the catch is that it involves huge changes and significant adjustment.

So far, it has been "all talk no action". Perhaps because there was no urgency to decide. Or perhaps because we wanted option two, but didn't think that it was realistic.

Well, in 2013, I felt time running out. Decisions had to be made. Hard decisions.

Ironically, what made it more difficult was that, option two was within reach. It was not just a dream of someday. It was a real option and, in 2013, all signs pointed towards it. I struggled to embrace it, even as I knew that it was our dream option.

I wasn't ready for option two. My commitment was to our present life; not to this dream that had always been "someday, maybe" in our dinner conversations. I was locked into our present life and I wasn't ready to give it up.

Last year, I wrote about how, in 2012, I had made an effort to let go of things that no longer worked, in order to make space for better things to come into my life. 2013 was a little different. I was facing the prospect of letting go of what was reliable and what I was comfortable with. It was hard for me and I spent 2013 fighting it. I lamented, bemoaned, agonised, worried. I got angry, I got sad, I got frustrated, I got demoralised, I got scared.

I did make some effort to keep things the way they were but these efforts led nowhere. In my New Year post last year, my last words were, "... hello 2013. I've got a lot in store for you, so I hope you're ready." Well, have you heard the phrase, "Man plans, God laughs"? That's what happened. I spent (wasted?) a lot of time trying to make things go a certain way, with very little success. I felt stuck.

As it turned out, all that turmoil was exactly what I needed to go through. 2013 gave me time to process everything and to purge it all from my system. Is it too late to say goodbye to 2013? Sigh. It's taken me this long to come to terms with it, to understand it and to appreciate its impact.

I spent 2013 saying a long goodbye to many things. As a result, I'm ready now to say an enthusiastic Hello! to everything 2014 has to offer. I'm ready to stop sulking. I'm ready to move out of my comfort zone and commit to something new. I'm ready to accept that the new will be better than the present. I'm ready to stop being scared. I'm ready for option two.

I have my fears, as a lot is still uncertain and vague, but I'm excited and I'm feeling more and more positive about everything. I don't have anything concrete to share at this early stage, but I will in due course.

So, resolutions for 2014? Well, I have a few and I'll share one with you today:

I resolve to be brave and embrace change. 

My mantra is going to be this quote from Bryant McGill: "Change can be beautiful, when we are brave enough to evolve with it".

So, thank you for riding out 2013 with me. I hope you come along with us for 2014 too. I have a feeling that it's going to be an amazing year.


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