Monday, June 18, 2012

Ending to begin again

It is 6 in the morning. We are about to leave the house for the hospital.  Before we do, and as I did the night before Ryan arrived, I wander through our home savouring the last moments of our life as we know it, knowing that the next time I come within the comfort of these walls, I will be bringing a new permanent resident with me. A tiny bundle of joy and light.

Throughout my pregnancy, I've given very little thought to the labour, the delivery and the recovery. And now, just hours before I enter the delivery suite, my thoughts are still not there. I am calm, happy, at peace. All I am thinking about is having my baby nuzzle into my breast, smelling my little one's scent deep into my bones and tracing the little features that will soon be imprinted on my heart like a permanent tattoo. It is the destination towards which we have been journeying for the past 9 months. A dream that I have held onto, while praying that we will emerge safely on the other side.

It is a strange feeling, knowing that your life is going to change in the course of the day. Knowing that you're moving on, not because you were miserable with your life before, but because you were so happy that it seemed natural to make a change. And what a change it is. It is a change that dismantles your life and hurls you into the next chapter. You have no choice but to trust that what awaits you will be joy multiplied. It is a true leap of faith. No matter how easy or difficult parenthood has been so far, a new addition to the family is always a fresh undertaking and precedents only count for so much.

The thing which gives us peace and courage to embark on this unpredictable endeavour is that we already love this little one. We've loved our baby since our baby was just a dream, a hope and a wish. And that love has been growing and growing and growing. It will be our anchor through both the good and the bad times, just like it has been with our firstborn, Ryan.

Here's to our next adventure. I can't wait to begin.


Anonymous said...

Hi Leona,
All the best, wishing you a smooth delivery, good health for both mom and baby...have a speedy recovery too...


Anonymous said...

Congrats Leona
C and I were happy to see u, Richard and Beanie just now.
Beanie is a very fair and beautiful baby.

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