The Bub in the Belly

Ryan's curls always elicit amazement - people always ask if the curls are natural (do I look like someone who would send my baby for a perm?? haha!). Yes, they're completely natural, a genetic gift from me.

As you can expect, his curls have caused much confusion about his gender. People assume he is a girl, they call him "mei mei" or "girl girl" all the time. When he was an infant, there was still enough "boy" there for people to be unsure and they did ask whether he was a boy or a girl. As Ryan got older, the curls started to take over and there were less and less people who asked, and more and more people who just assumed he was a girl. When he started walking independently and his curls grew past his shoulders, there were no more questions. People just concluded he was a girl. He can be wearing the most boyish outfit possible, it doesn't make a jot of difference. The curls win every time. I guess they don't expect that a two-year old boy would be sporting curly long hair. Their logical brain tells them this little one must be a girl.
Interestingly, children around Ryan's age know, without hesitation, that Ryan is a boy. The curls and the length of the hair don't matter, little children just know. I have witnessed this over and over again, they always know and they never have to ask. Their intuition is still so strong and they are still so in tune with it, they don't let our worldly stereotypes get in the way.


But I also remember an occasion, quite some time ago, when Ryan was less than a year old and not yet walking. We were going to Shichida class and I carried him into the lift to go up to the 8th floor where our class was. A lady followed us into the lift, with her toddler son. When the lift door closed and the lift started moving, she caught sight of Ryan and immediately she went "wow". It was not a small "wow", it was a loud and hearty expression of amazement (actually she gave me a small shock! haha!). She was so enamoured with Ryan's looks - she said he was so good-looking! She praised all his facial features, she said that his eyes and eye lashes were beautiful and his mouth and nose were just perfect. She asked me whether he was Japanese or Korean or mixed (she was very surprised to find out he was Chinese and that I was his mother - bleargh!). She kept going on and on until we reached our floor and we got off. She just seemed so amazed to have seen Ryan. (By the way, she knew, without asking, that Ryan is a boy).

Now I've received compliments on Ryan before and I know which are genuine and which to take with a pinch of salt. I believe that lady was completely genuine for the following reasons - She was a complete stranger (and I never met her again). She was a mother of a son herself. Her response was immediate. She didn't, not even once, use the word "cute".

I've never told anyone (apart from Richard) about that encounter. The reason I'm reminding myself of it now is because that lady did not mention Ryan's curls at all. She went on and on and on about his facial features but there was not a single comment on his hair. To her, Ryan was already "special". Curls not required.

So, I realise that, as he grows older, Ryan's hair detracts from what and who he is. People get so distracted by his hair that they don't notice other things about him. Of course, I do love it when Ryan receives compliments on his hair and on his curls but, more and more, I find myself wishing that the compliments were more "well-rounded". I want to tell them, yes his hair is beautiful, have you seen his latest piece of art? or, yes, his curls are amazing, come and check out his new dance!

So, I think I'm ready for that haircut now. Whoever that lady was, I thank her for reminding me that my son has much much more to offer than a mass of curls. Although, I still love those curls!