The Bub in the Belly

I have been meaning to write a post about breastfeeding for some time now. Mainly because of the various reactions I see when people find out that I'm still nursing.

In the first rocky months of nursing, I got a lot of support and encouragement: keep going, don't stop, try for six months. After six months of nursing, people kept telling me, that's good but you can stop at one year. Which I thought was pretty strange - why would I reward my son with such a terrible gift for his first birthday? Then Ryan turned one, I was still nursing and suddenly I didn't get encouragement anymore, the questions became more like: isn't it difficult to keep going? Which I also found strange because things usually get easier the more you keep doing them. Now that I'm still nursing Ryan at almost 18 months, people just ask, so when are you going to stop? Usually, in order to put them at ease, I have to come up with some sort of target (maybe when he goes to school, maybe when I start planning for number 2, etc.).

I find it interesting to see all the different reactions and I suppose I'd ask the same questions if the positions were reversed. It's also interesting to listen to mummies who no longer breastfeed. Some give you a passionate explanation about why they stopped breastfeeding. Listening to these mummies, you can tell how much they loved breastfeeding and how much it hurt to give it up. Other mummies think nothing of it, they just move on.

Let me put the record straight. I am pro-breastfeeding but I am not a lactivist and I am not anti-formula. If you don't breastfeed, I'm not going to ask you why not.

Above and beyond being pro-breastfeeding, I am pro-choice. To me, breastfeeding is just one of the many choices that we make as parents and every mummy is entitled to make her own choice based on her personal circumstances. My circumstances, both at home and at work, have allowed me to nurse my baby and to continue nursing him. But if my circumstances were different, I could very well be formula-feeding my baby now. So there really isn't any point in comparing which is better, I think every mummy wants the best for her baby, be it in terms of food, education or life experiences.

Ryan is 17 and a half months now and his milk is still exclusively from the breast. During the workday, I express and pass the bottles to his nanny the next day. When Ryan is with me, I latch him on, I never use a bottle. Sometimes when he latches on one side, I will express (usually by hand) from the other breast. During the night, Ryan latches on if and when he needs to, whether for comfort or for milk.

Is it stressful? Well, yes and no.

Yes it's stressful, because I don't keep any stock in the freezer, which means I can't slack off on expressing. I don't keep any formula on standby at all and neither does his nanny. Milk supply does drop sometimes, eg. when I fall sick or when I miss pumps at work, and it is pretty stressful to have to catch up when I'm feeling sick or when I'm so swamped with work. If I have to be in the office on a weekend, I have to plan ahead and squeeze in an extra pump so that Richard can feed Ryan while I'm out.

But no, it's not stressful, because after nearly 18 months of this, I know how to deal with the issues that crop up. I don't sit around and worry and fret.

The main issue is low supply. When milk supply drops, I know the cause - I've been sick or I've not been eating/drinking enough or I've not been expressing enough, etc. - and so I know how to remedy the situation: express more frequently, eat/drink better. If supply is still low after a few days then I empty my breasts even more frequently and supply usually jumps up again. If low supply still persists, then I take fenugreek for two days and supply will also get a boost.

The other issue is getting the most out of every express. This is important because it keeps the breast in high productivity and keeps supply up. Also, I do have a busy workday and sometimes I can only get away to pump once a day so it is really vital that I make the most out of it, and so I do. I can stimulate letdown easily now, I usually do three letdowns in one session, until the breast is well and truly drained. Normally, I pump on the first letdown, then I hand express on the subsequent ones.

Disadvantages to breastfeeding at 17.5 months? Well, I'm lucky that Ryan has had no problems with breastmilk or with latching and so there are no disadvantages as far as Ryan is concerned. I believe that, at this stage, when our babies are nearly 18 months, breastfeeding is really not so much about our babies anymore. It's really more about the mummy and how she feels about it. So, all the "disadvantages" are mine, and these would be the changes that I have to make in my lifestyle. I don't have complete liberty in choosing what to wear - I always have to think about ease of latching/pumping. I have to carry my pump/bottles/milk to and from home/work/nanny. I still don't get uninterrupted sleep at night.

Still, I don't see these "disadvantages" as disadvantages. These are lifestyle changes that I made with no regrets and no complaints. There are many changes I've made since Ryan came into my life and I take breastfeeding as just one of them. If I had to choose all over again whether to breastfeed or not, I would.

So is it worth it? Well, I won't talk about the health benefits of breastmilk. Of course, breastmilk is superior but I do think that formula milk is pretty good. I honestly think that there's not a lot of difference after the first year, especially when our children can make up whatever they need from solids.

But yes, it's worth it! There are tons of "lifestyle advantages" - the main one being I don't have to use a diaper bag (and I have yet to see a nice-looking one!). More importantly, and as any mummy who has successfully nursed her baby will testify, it is an incredible bond, one that is both physical and emotional.

Of course, a mummy who does not nurse or who has stopped nursing does not necessarily have a different bond with her child. There are different ways to bond, and all are good.

Just because I choose to breastfeed, doesn't mean that I think less of formula feeding. I think there is a problem in that formula feeders don't get enough support. Of course, breastfeeders do require a lot of support and there is a lot of support for them in terms of information and support groups. But I find that this big push for breastfeeding and all this stuff about how "breast is best" give formula feeders "Bottlefeeding Guilt", and they feel like they have to justify why they don't breastfeed. I don't agree that there should be any judgment about which is better, especially when we're talking about children who are nearly 18 months old.

So, I just want to say that, inasmuch as breastfeeders are given support, formula feeders should be too. We should all bear in mind that, all that truly matters is that the baby gets fed and the mummy is happy.

If you have the interest, visit this blog: Fearless Formula Feeder. This increasingly popular blog is catching the attention of both formula-feeders and breastfeeders for its support for formula feeders, without having to pass judgment on anyone. Great reading.